Maybe you were in an argument. Maybe it could have turned into a fight, and instead you walked away. Maybe you had a fight, and lost, or didn’t do well. Maybe you even won. But what happened as you walked away from the scene?

You were probably be filled with anger.

Three steps is what it should take.

Take one step. The anger should be leaving you. Your breathing should begin to become normal. Two steps. Now, you are merely excited, just like a sporting game. Once you have taken 3 paces, the conflict should have left you, and you should be back to normal.

If your anger is a clenched fist inside your chest for perhaps the next few weeks, then you have lost even if you won the physical conflict. Let it go. Emotion should have no part in it. It was just a physical conflict. You wouldn’t feel like that about a basketball game. Look at the whole situation simply the same way.

The final level of this is to remain like this even during the conflict. This is difficult to achieve.

After a fight, win or lose, you should analyze how you could have done it better. Go through it step by step. Think about it rationally. Leave the emotions out of it.

If you lose a fight, it is not the fault of your martial art. No one can always win, no one is so good they never get hit.  It is not your fault. You just met someone better than you at that point – maybe he trained more, or was bigger or faster than your ability at that point in time. Or you were unlucky. Or he was lucky. Or you made a mistake, or he made you made a mistake. Think about what you could have done better. Talk about it with your teacher. There should be things you can train to avoid those problems again. One is train more, and more appropriately to cover that situation so you are not caught the same way again – remembering that this was only one situation, and not forgetting others. The next is learn to limit the things that can go wrong. Luck can be limited by finishing the fight faster. His power can be limited by moving in at another angle. His speed by moving in where this is limited in use. His reach by getting close. His skill by learning his weakness. If he is fast on his feet, limit his movement. And so on.

However, there are two things you should always do if you lose. Don’t blame anyone, not yourself, not your opponent, no one. Have no feelings about it at all. It was just a situation like any other. Like failing your driving test or not winning the lottery: disappointing, perhaps, but you can always try again.